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JackBradfordSr
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Name: Jack
Country: United States
State: Illinois
Metro: Chicago
Birthday: 12/31/1983
Gender: Male
Interests: My wife, Sarah (Cervantes) and my two kids Jack and Lily. Anything that has to do with them interests me.
Expertise: Child care. Not even my own kids.
Occupation: I work in woodworking for now.
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
12/26/2005
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| I love you. Seeing you today was so hard. You looked great by the way. I've been telling you to get your hair cut like that for years now. Anyway, it's been almost 8 months now. I'm doing really well in every area of my life, except this one. It's a bit out of my hands now, so I really don't know what to do or say at this point. I just wish we could talk. Why won't you talk to me? I feel like we haven't talked in about fifteen months, well before any of this started. Don't get me wrong, I can see how that was my fault too. I was too selfish to talk then. I only saw my hurt and my pain, and didn't bother to look at the ways that I was hurting you. If I would only have listened to what God was trying to tell me then, maybe this could have been avoided. I know I started something awful and horrible, but you can still end it. You have the power now. I feel in a way that's what you've wanted for quite some time, and I can see why.
But it doesn't have to be like this. It doesn't have to hurt like this. Give God time to heal your heart. Give me time to show you that I understand more now, and I think differently. I didn't change overnight, but it hasn't been overnight, has it? It's been over seven months, seven long, painful, gut wrenching months. I've been crawling on my belly this whole time, and from down there I've got a new perspective. I'm not asking you to change overnight either, and to stop all this at once. I'm just asking that you look into your heart, search it out with God, pray about it with friends, and give yourself a little more time. You once told me you'd love me forever, and I can't imagine that a love like that wouldn't forgive. I told you I would honor you, cherish you, love you forever, and I know (more than anybody else) that I have messed those up, but it's not over, this doesn't have to be the end of the story. I can still honor, cherish and love you, if given the chance. I can still hold true to my vows. They were not broken, they just weren't followed through with right away. I'm ashamed to admit, but where there were mistakes, I ask for grace. I know the Lord has forgiven my sins, and that is all that matters for eternity, but while we're still here, I wish you would too. Not for me as much as for yourself, and for our children. Our kids won't do well with bitterness and a hardened heart as an example, so I pray that never happens. I don't think it will, because I know that you are loving and caring, and a warm person. At least, you can be when you choose.
I still love you, and I know it sounds cliche and everything, but I love you more now than I ever have. Only because I know more deeply and honestly what it means to love. I have more understanding of love now than ever, ever before in my life. There has never been a time when I had a better concept of what it means to be sacrificial, and to daily give your life to others. I'm not saying I've reached some pinnacle, or become a pillar of love all of sudden, but I'm on that road. I'm walking down the right path, finally, and I want you there by my side.
Of course I don't think anybody will read this, and I'm kind of banking on that in some ways, but this is my heart towards you. It's not all of it. I have much more to say, and I could sit here for hours writing it down. I am going through the worst time in my life, but it's making me a better man. I'm a better father hands down, no competition. I do more now with my kids then probably ever before, and once again that is a shame to admit, but it's truth. I'm working towards my degree, and getting closer to nailing down a decent job. I've become closer to almost all of my family just because of this, and quite honestly, some of your family as well. The point is, I'm not mad about what you're doing, and in some crazy way, I'm kind of glad it's happened, but only to a point. We've reached that point, and are now moving beyond it. The longer this goes on, the worse it is for everybody involved. The kids, me, you, your dad, my dad, etc. This touches a lot of people. I'll do whatever you want me to, I really will, but I just ask that you give it time, and don't rush things so much. I love you. I really always will, no matter what happens. | | |
| It's past six months now. A lot of people just telling me to move on. I don't think that's right, but at the same time, there's not much choice either. Still hoping. Still praying everyday. I love her. I miss her. I am learning so much. I wish she would give it a chance. I wish she would even try to notice. It's like she doesn't care at all. Like she never did. | | |
| Well, it's been a little while, so here's another update.
Yes, it's still the worst time of my life, but I'm still learning more about my strength as a person and my love for my family. I love my wife, Sarah Dixon. I love my children, Jack II and Lily. I miss my family, including my brothers and sisters, and their various children (some of whom I haven't even met yet). My father just told me he had cancer, and they removed it, and he was given the 'all-clear' today. I was so thankful, and it made me realize how much I love my family. I wish I were closer to all of them. I wish I were a better husband and father. I'm going to stop wishing, and start making it happen. I will be a better husband. I will be a better father. I will not pass down to my children what was passed down to me. I love you Sarah, Jack, and Lily. I will be a better man for you all, no matter what the future holds.
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| For those who may still read occasionally, it has reached month three. Three months of my life that have been the hardest, worst months to go through, but somehow they have been filled with the most personal growth I've ever experienced in my life. God has been teaching me almost every day something about myself and the world around me that I never really grasped before. Love is a choice, and not just something we can fall in and out of whenever we want. I'm choosing love, because that's what He would want, and that's what His will in my life is. | | |
| Well, now it's the worst TWO months of my life, ever. But things are looking better. I got a new job, so if anything at least my time is more occupied. I'm finding out a lot about myself, and how much I was lacking before. I've been very focused on myself, and I want that to change. More importantly, God wants that to change, so I'm working on that. I have my doubts that one single person will read this, but if anything, I guess this is more for me. A sort of journal, to see where I was at during this time in my life. I'm very hopeful, but I'm not sure where God is going to take me. I'm trying to enroll in school and I need to get that finished. I miss people in my life very much right now. I love people in my life more than I ever have before. If you're reading this, then you're a friend of mine, so give me a call, because I'm sure I miss you (even if you doubt that). | | |
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